Something is wrong

I don’t really know what to do at this point… I genuinely don’t.I don’t feel happy — not with my life, not with my job, not with where I’m standing right now.

Work has become this endless cycle of responsibilities that keep piling up. It’s not just taking and managing orders or sending drafts to clients for approval. I also have to handle production, prepare everything, and even manage the packaging. On top of that, I’m in charge of the website, which is still a learning process — and nothing like what I was used to with platforms like Wix. Add the responsibility of giving orders to the shipping companies, managing the business's social media accounts, creating content, thinking of what to post, and being asked to do anything else that comes up… It’s exhausting.

It’s no wonder that sometimes I feel like I’m running on autopilot — like a robot. There are days when I feel so overstimulated, so pressured, that even the smallest thing going wrong ruins my entire mood. It’s hard not to internalize it.

And when I’m mistreated, misunderstood, or overworked, I still try to remain calm. Just because I don’t speak up or react doesn’t mean I’m okay with how I’m being treated. I stay silent because I don’t want to make things worse. I still try to carry myself with some dignity, even when others make me feel like I’m nothing.

But the truth is, I’m mentally and physically exhausted. Since Easter and even beyond that, I haven’t felt truly rested. My body is tired. My heart is tired. I question myself a lot — if I deserve better, or if this is all life has for me. I wanted a future in illustration, in creative work — not a dead-end routine that slowly chips away at me.

Yes, I studied graphic design. Yes, I love art. And if I had the chance, I’d rather be working as an illustrator. I never dreamed of being stuck in a job where people overlook your limits, treat you unfairly, or push you beyond your capacity without care.

I’ve always tried to be strong. To not lose my temper. To remain respectful. But I’m tired of paying for everyone’s mistakes — and my own — with my sanity.

I don’t know what the right next step is. But I know this: something has to change.